These are just preliminary impressions – I’ll update when I finish the book. I knew it was doing well when I got excited for an anthropomorphized Roomba to recognize writing; that’s getting your reader engaged. The two main characters are likeable and the story looks good so far. The RPG aspect is less developed than “This Quest is Broken” or “Small Medium Big Trouble”, but I’m not sure a more developed system would help the story much.
There is ONE problem that made me want to write this prelim…or maybe there isn’t. An editor probably wouldn’t like this, but maybe it’s important to choose your own path. On the other hand, maybe editors have a point; maybe it’s distracting. Thinking about it though, it often happens when characters are mulling something over, and real people go back and forth. Do they really though, and do people need to read about it? Maybe not, and it might make the characters seem wishy washy. Maybe it’s a good idea to consult an editor, but no, the writer will go with their gut here.
I’ll stop now. If the previous paragraph made you impatient, be warned there are quite a few instances of that kind of writing in the book. There’re also patches where something is stated… and then restated in a different way… and then restated a third way…and sometimes a fourth way just for fun. It isn’t a deal breaker for me, and weirdly, it makes this the first audiobook I can play as background noise, but I don’t think that’s what others are looking for. At the risk of repeating MYself, some parts of this book may call for more patience than you are prepared to use.
Then again, you seem to have gotten to the end of this long ramble, so maybe you’ll be fine. Thanks for coming to my TED talk 😅