There so many things, if I ever hear “shit a dick” again in my life it will be too soon.
This seems like it’s written for teens, the pop references are from the early 80’s the current teens will have no idea,
If the main character has such a fantastic brain he sure doesn’t use it. he is the newest player by far in the game and all of a sudden he is a leader he makes the stupidest decisions.
Character relationship depth is measured with a tea spoon. The only reason for romance is to make dumb decisions. His prison buddy, (again depth of a tea spoon) who has never been nice to him gets offended because he has real life and death things going on outside the game, and he try’s to keep it a secret. There is one player who has been hanging around years in game to help him and has been waiting for this moment in time, and is completely ignored so bad decisions are made, until he gets killed and for some reason doesn’t respawn like the rest of the players. The one that gets me the most is the doc who is cheating the system to help the main is all of a sudden he is the hated villain.
One more thing the narrator should be reading books about big red dogs. I don’t know if the book is missing the words or he gets to worked in the fights and he just misses words, probably the book is missing words. The sing song tones are distracting.
I will not be following this story.
Good luck to the narrator l hope all you need is a bit of practice, for the author don’t have your fan boys/girls proof read your books get some critiques on the story line in that role.