The pacing is scrambled and struggles to flow. The characters often act like idiotic teenagers who have no life experience even though it repeatedly says they are experienced dungeon delvers and are around 30 years old.
The writer needs to polish up the plot and cut out conversations that do nothing for the story. They should also put some time into figuring out how to write female characters because the way they do it is not great. It’s a great idea for a story, just needs a lot of polishing.