Please note that I have read all 6 books. So although critical, I’m having a blast and I think these are great fun. I like how you are pushing the limits of what’s appropriate and that you are a sick f***. I will reccommend these books to friends as well!
You are extremely talented and a very unique writer. No one writes like you! So nice to read.
OK enough maple syrup.
WARNING – SPOILERS SORT OF
Opportunity 1:
You introduce too many “unbeatable” foes that are followed by a rare almost impossible solution. Then this goes on repeat.
Made up example: end of the level in sight! Headed to gate! right before a gate there’s a new quest to defeat a level 4000 demon that is invulnerable. But if they have sex with 500 hammer raindrops in the next 40 seconds, they will be teleported away! Yay!
This pattern happens like 10 times at the end of the book. I was kinda just pushing through and excited for it to be over for the last 2 hours or so because of this.
When you overdo this mechanism for tension, it dilutes all the following ones. Now, I’m not even scared if Carl goes head to head with an invulnerable GOD because I know some random thing will save him. Too much arbitrary resolution of conflict.
Opportunity 2: We have barely lost anything of value. Sure, some characters have died, but they were all of minimal importance. So I’m not worried at all that something bad will happen to someone I care about cause it never does. As a result, I don’t really want to so know what’s going to happen. I should ALWAYS want to desperately know what’s going to happen.
Opportunity 3: Arc! There’s no arc! Carl is the exact same. Donut is the exact same! They are both at the top of the rankings and have been for some time. You value them too much as a writer. I know you are happy with them, but you gotta let them change! Have carl lose the gauntlet arm, or lose his stomping feet. Or have donut turn into a dog. Or have them both lose half their levels and go to the bottom of the rankings. There are lots of things that can happen to them that make the audience want to know how things are going to play out. (other ideas: have something else happen to the AI, have a spell that brings back a past author of the cookbook, mordekai dies, etc etc)
Opportunity 4: Powers! Imagine going to see a superman movie and then he doesn’t ever use his powers. That’s how the last book felt with carl and donut. I thought donut had charisma as her main thing? She didn’t use it save one or two times in passing. Carl didn’t have to use his gauntlet I think at all! Or the stomp abilities. If you aren’t going to use these powers then might as well build tension by taking them away through some tragedy.
Opportunity 5: In general, I had nothing to be excited for throughout this book. Like maybe a cool new stomp ability, or new gauntlet feature? Or something interesting with the story arc? Nothing really happened exect for maybe they are set up well for the next floor with the same shit mostly. Way too many good things happened to them this floor.
This is just my opinion so get many others! But overall gret job and I’ll be buying the next book too.