The story, like many others in this genre… gets overshadowed by meteocre writing. A classic example of telling the reader how everyone feels, what they are thinking, etc… instead of showing. “curiosity laced her voice” is not a good way of telling us that she is curious. in what way is her voice inflected, or what do her mannerisms show us that she is curious? “anger filled his mind” is a terrible way of showing us how angry he his. did his cheeks flush, his blood boil, did he clench his fists, or maybe he spoke in a low and threatening way? there are endless possibilities to show us what the characters are doing and feeling at the same time. connect action to emotion and then maybe we can enjoy the story. Ending my rant, all the best to Travis.