I’ve been looking at this series for a long time, but I just refuse to use a credit on a book that’s under 6 hours. When this 3 pack came out, it looked like a great value and I jumped on it. It starts off ok, and I was hopeful. I’m at the 11hr mark now, and I’m throwing in the towel. The story, to this point, is not anything new, but it’s not bad… it’s the storyTELLING that’s bad. The writing. I hate to hurt the guy’s feelings, but it’s like early high school level stuff. For instance, he’ll constantly use the same adjectives or phrases in back-to-back sentences. “She saw his mean face, plastered with that mean look.”
Or, points in the story that are supposed to be full of suspense drag on WAY too long. A character sees a sign of a bad guy’s presence, but instead of leading into an action scene or keeping the suspense going, he just keeps repeating the same point in different ways, “He knew this was bad. That shouldn’t be there. That wasn’t there yesterday. This could only mean one thing. They were already here. He knew he had to be ready. His blood was pumping. His Adrenaline was pumping.” Aaarrrgggh!
Ok, that example was from memory. This is an exact quote. (It just came up as I clicked a random point in the story as I type this.) Grammar or punctuation errors are mine… I’m transcribing… “Jessica was staring out the window to the trees as the water boiled. All of the sudden, she saw something. It was a flash of something. Some color that wasn’t natural. It had been so fast, she didn’t get a good look at it. Maybe it was yellow, maybe orange. Jessica’s mind went to the Carpenters.”
Then some totally mundane stuff happens and back to “suspense”… “Jessica poked her head around the corner of the doorway. Nothing. No one was there. Where was Rob? If only she had some way to communicate with Rob, like a radio or a cell phone. She saw something move in the woods. It wasn’t the same color she saw out the other window. This was a khaki color, like dirty khaki pants. Rob wore jeans, no khaki. Jim too. It wasn’t one of them. Jessica didn’t hesitate. She raised her Glock, and squeezed the trigger.”
OK, so she didn’t have any way to communicate, so WHY mention it? Especially during a suspense scene? And “Jessica didn’t hesitate”? Really, because you’re giving me the impression that it took 10 minutes!
The other thing that drove me nuts, and maybe I’m nit-picking, but during the action scenes, he’ll says thing like, “The truck barreled toward him. It was just feet away. He had sweat running down into his eyes. He had no where to go. He heard the engine roaring as he drew his gun.” OK, the truck was barrelling toward him, feet away, like 8 sentences ago!
So, I’m sure my rambling review can also be criticized, but I am not a professional writer, I don’t have an editor, and I’m not even going to re-read what I wrote because I’ve spent way too much time on this review. I think I’ve given you folks some additional info to make a decision.